he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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