i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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