My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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