thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
