none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
