having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My liver just had a heart attack.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
