It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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