Its about making memories worth repressing
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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