Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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