That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
