Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
