"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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