i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
