he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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