I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
