Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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