I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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