kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
