mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
