Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
