when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize