ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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