Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
