I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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