I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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