dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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