u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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