like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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