you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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