a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
