Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize