you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think my vagina is haunted
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
