I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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