I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
