I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
