so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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