she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
