I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
