Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
