he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
