i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
