Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
