i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
two words: eviction party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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