I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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