dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
