I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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