Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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