Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize