You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want a musical about memes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
