Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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