Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I AM VODKA MAN
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
