I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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