okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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