my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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