biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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