Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
