I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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