It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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