Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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