He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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