forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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