i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
