they need to just BURY HIM!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
