it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
