You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
