I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize