You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
