I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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