She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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