I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
