Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
