At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
