either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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