I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
