I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
