Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize