She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are two peas in an std pod
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
